The strangest bus ride of my life

Early one morning in Lijiang we decided to catch a bus to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. After consulting our guide book and a bit of hunting around, we found bus No. 7, a smallish vehicle with room for maybe 15 people. 


We climbed inside, anxious to start the day and beat the tourists. A number of locals were already seated on the bus and a friendly Chinese man explained that the bus would leave as soon as it was full. Great, fair enough. 


It soon became apparent that everyone on the bus knew each other as they were all engaged in a big conversation. Over the next 20 minutes or so they took turns getting off the bus and then getting back on. As the bus was finally filling to capacity, the driver followed suit and disappeared as well. No sooner did that happen and everyone got off just in time for the bus driver to come back.


We'd been sitting on the bus for about a half hour by then and had no idea how long this little song and dance might last. Fortunately, our friendly Chinese man poked his head back in the bus and alerted us to the arrival of another bus. Great, so we get off and find a small minivan has pulled up behind us. It sits maybe seven people and I notice that one of the passengers from the bigger bus is now behind the wheel. OK, whatever. We get in.


Eight of us cram into this van that's built for seven (bear in mind this is a Chinese van, not some massive US SUV) and off we go. Soon after, we're in the middle of the highway and, as if perfectly normal, our new bus driver shouts out the window and suddenly we're picking up a seemingly random woman off the street. As she squeezes into the back we quickly discover that she knows the bus crew and that this bizarre pick-up was apparently specially orchestrated for her. 


Meanwhile the old man next to John has decided to strike up a conversation with him. The only problem is the old man doesn't speak English and John doesn't speak Mandarin. Not deterred by this hurdle, the old guy fired off rounds of questions (or maybe statements?) in John's direction, which he could only respond to with quizzical looks.


Well, before we knew it we were approaching the gate to the park and suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. It was the woman we'd picked up off the road just a few miles back and it became clear that she was using my shoulder for balance and she began to maneuver herself over my seat and into our row as we sped down the highway. With no shame once so ever, she next proceeded to put her ass in John's and my face as she worked her way forward, climbing up to the passenger's seat in front. That seat, by the way had just become vacant, with its occupant now crouched on the floor in front of it. Meanwhile in the back of the van a similar maneuver was in the works as one of the guys started to lie down behind the seats, hidden from view.


The result was that by the time we arrived at the gate, our van filled with nine people appeared to only contain seven. In a way, it was like we were crossing Check Point Charlie. The guards at the gate clearly suspected something was up, but our bus mates dismissed them and soon we were through. 


The interesting thing was that while John and I sat with gaping mouths as all of this unfolded around us, the rest of our bus mates executed the procedure like a well-oiled machine. Clearly they'd done it a million times before -- they just hadn't bothered to tell us what they were up to.